Thursday, April 21, 2005 @2:18 am
hmmm.
My pastor said something really important today. Bitterness towards people. People who hurt you. people whom you dont like. People who said nasty things to you, people whom you think cant grow up. I've come to face the fact that i've been bitter towards people. there is healing, tho, that has taken place. and i know my heart is changing. Not that I want to boast or anything, but yea, action speaks louder than words. so i guess in order to facilitate healing, reconciliation should take place. or rather, an effort to reconcile.
to certain people. i've already tried to reconcile. and it's up to you and not up to me. but forgiveness as i've released, we'd never be the same friends as we were before by flesh. but only God can change that fact. and He will.. And i'm not here to judge. but God has dealed with me over these matters. have YOU allowed Him to deal with you? It's really up to you how you want to live your life. you've been behaving saintish. no one actually notices.. only a bare couple. but have you noticed how much YOU need God? You know who God is but do you actually KNOW Him? (p.s. non-christians i'm not referring to you, as in the you is not you. sorry if i sound offensive) Do you know what God is trying to do with your life? you only seem to stray further from Him. All this talk abt being concerned for others. I just wanna let you know that we are all concerned for your own spiritual growth.
i really wont say i'm a saint cos i really am not. bitterness, i've experienced it. still in the process of pruning and cutting off, cutting off. i've to work terribly hard~ but i know that i come to terms with my sin and i try my best to live a life with God. so i'm not preaching here. but you say how much values mean to you. yes values are impt. i agree with that totally. but the way you see things, and the way u speak, yes you dont use vulgar language, i know, however are really... i dunno how to put it.. not thru God's eyes? well then, all values n commands boil down to one, "love your neighbour as yourself." gossiping, all that? i've indulged in before. that's why from now onwards i'll try my best to reduce, till i stop taking pleasure in putting others down intentionally.
if you truly see someone thru God's eyes, you wont speak of them that way when they try their best to serve God. has it occurred to you that although their problem is not fully solved, God is processing the solution? btw.. the problem is fully solved now thank you.
i dont feel bitterness against you.. not like how i felt the last time.. because i know that God broke it off. and it's unholy.. i should see you in the way God does. i wish i can just leave u there by yourself. but that's as good as taking revenge. i wont do the same thing you did to me. Instead i will love you. I hope that we still can be friends. i guess we still are... God taught me to love. and i WILL love you, with what it takes, tho it urks me to see u in ur ultra short skirts in svc, and the other one, being 2 different pple altogether.
misunderstandings cast aside, i pray that things will be alright.. my heart will no longer ache for this friendship, cos i believe it prolly is already there. but until u change your heart, i dunno how to help you. revenge gives more than nothing but trouble. no point. right?
u take care..